Yes, that’s a straight up piece of relationship advice: don’t let yourself be a doormat. It doesn’t make you “nice,” it makes you resentful!
Somehow, there is a rumor in the universe that not making waves and standing up for what you value and believe makes you a nice person. And, that rumor also says that this is especially true in your relationship. Have you heard–or thought–that?
It’s not true! In fact, being too passive actually creates relationship issues. I was working with a couple recently and the man confided in me privately that he could not take it anymore because his wife was too passive. In his words, he said,
“She has no backbone. She won’t make a decision and defers to me all the time. I hate it!”
We learn how to be from our early life on the planet. If it wasn’t safe to speak up, or ask for what you need and want, you learn to stay quiet and stuff your feelings. What we learn early on most often becomes the pattern we simply adopt as we grow up. That leads to what I’m calling “doormat behavior.” You don’t feel good about yourself. You resent those who walk on you. You resent more those who wipe their feet on you, and yet, you stay lying there.
Today’s Coupleology Podcast will give you some great ideas for getting up, brushing yourself off, standing up, speaking up. and showing up in positive ways in life and relationship! Listen now.
Coupleology Podcast. Volume 1. #1